thoughts and worries

Being a child was so much easier. I feel like slapping those ones that try to grow up too quickly. Embrace your youth. Play with Barbie's until you are 13 and don't feel embarrassed by it, don't plaster your face with so much makeup you look like a cheap whore (and you're only 14), run around outside and play games all day while you still can and you don't need a nanna nap.

Being a grown up sucks. You have to work full time only to have a huge chunk of the money go to the government to spend on things you do not philosophically believe in.

You have societal and parental pressures to find the right someone, settle down, get into massive amounts of debt buying a house and having a huge family wedding, and then shat out your 2.3 children.

I've noticed a pattern. In long term relationships, I get bored. There's the whole honeymoon period, everything is great, then things just go meh.

Someone can be a perfect match for me, yet I still find faults. I don't do it intentionally, but it happens. It's frustrating as all hell. How do people stay happy for so many years? Or aren't they happy? Do they just tell themselves they are because they are to lazy to change their surroundings?

I haven't been lazy like that for a while. If something isn't making me happy, it goes. Except alcohol, it's a constant, but even it hasn't had as big a presence in my life as it used to. Once a week now, and preferably at home because it is cheaper.

I don't even enjoy eating fatty, crumbed and battered deep fried foods as much anymore. I bought a salty potato scallop today in the hope it would cheer me up, but threw a quarter of it out. And I wont be buying another one in a hurry. I enjoyed the prawn rice paper rolls much more.

Even the company of my friends is getting me down to. They are all prettier than me and more attractive to the male of the species. All I see when I look into the mirror is fat arms, a big chest and a face that is not as pretty as it used to be.

And then I remember I've sworn off becoming involved with any member of the male species until New Years, so I shouldn't even care but I still do.

Lack of money is a huge worry and I am being paid an incredibly decent wage. I need a second job just to afford things I want, and to pay off debts sooner. Yay, just another stress.

And yes I should be at work now, but I skipped this afternoon. Stress again.

One of my friends is the secretary of a young Liberal branch. And the election is probably going to be on the same day of the Whitlam's concert I have 4th row seats for. And all I want to do is be parked in front of a television watching the coverage, with a bottle of champers.

A change would probably be the right solution, but in a surprising point, work is actually great. I like the job and the people there a lot, and it can't be transferred anywhere else.

So here I stay put for now.